Thursday, November 19, 2009

My Mother-In-Law

My MIL can be a very generous woman. She helps me out with the kids whenever she can and is constantly bringing me clothes. She actually enjoys spending time with me.

However, she is a narcissist. She means well, but it is all truly about her. Today I found out that my mother is going to have hip replacement surgery in December. I called my MIL to tell her, since they are friends (which pisses me off to no end because then they gang up on me). I was explaining to her that it would actually be great timing for me, because it will be easy for me to take off work, the monkeys will be on winter break and we can go up to the bay area and stay with my dad, help him around the house and visit my mom in the hospital.

MY mothers reply - "OH yes! We'll go up too!". Now I understand that she truly believes that she wants to go up there and help, but doesn't she realize that my mom will then be spending the days before the surgery cleaning the house and cooking meals so there will be food for her "guests" to eat? And then when they leave she will be forced to get up and do the sheets, etc... from their bed. It will be so much easier just to have her immediate family around her.

I explained this to my husband and he agreed. I spoke to my mom about it and she is afraid to tell them no.

Sigh! I am book-ended by the narcissist and the woman who goes out of her way to be nice to everyone (except me)!


Joanie M said...

Good luck with that!

I know!!! Let your MIL go up and take care of your mom and you take a little vacation somewhere far away from it all!

Under the Influence said...

Your husband should be the one to tell her not to go. In a very friendly "it's going to be too chaotic and they need their peace and quiet" kind of way!

Then, when you get there, lock the doors and windows and pull the blinds closed to make it look like no one is home just in case they show up anyway! :)

Under the Influence said...

Oh, the other thing you could do is leave your girls home with the MIL - that way you can totally focus on your mom and dad.

Suzy said...

Dude, time to man-up and tell the MIL no. It will make you uncomfortable but do what's right for your mom.

After my dad died, people were flying across country to help me and my sister get things done. It was a NIGHTMARE for me because there was so much to do and I had to deal with these people in our place and tell them what to do. Just really was not helpful.

Seriously, tell her no but thank her first!

Lucy said...

You poor thing. Sounds like you are between a rock and hard place BUT do what works best for you and your mother!!