Tuesday, February 3, 2009

How do they learn these things?

I always try to build up the monkeys' self esteem. I constantly tell them how beautiful they are and how smart they are. I know how cruel life can be. And I want them to be armed with a GREAT sense of self.

I was talking to the 6 year old monkey this weekend. I did my normal "Who's my beautiful girl?" game with her. Normally, her answer is "me". This time her answer was "I'm ugly!" WTF??? Where did my self-confident daughter go??

The reason for this new found nuttiness - her FRECKLES! She hates her freckles! I've always had freckles. And really, that's one of the ONLY things I didn't have a problem with.

I tried pointing out my freckles to the monkey, but she was not having any of it! I also asked if anyone had teased her about her freckles. No one had!

So the questions becomes - how does a bright, beautiful, self-confident in most things, social-butterfly, great in any sport she picks up, 6 year old learn to be self conscious about something???



LL said...

Girls/women look in the mirror and find flaws. Boys/men look in the mirror and say "I look great" no matter how we look. I think it's a matter of Mars/Venus. Your daughter is adorable and it's commendable that you are teaching her to defend herself and be confident. Big Cudos!

Scandalous Housewife said...

I'd have to say some little shit kid said something to her to make her even notice that she has freckles! I'd tell her that each freckle is points of light that beam all the beauty and sunshine from inside her! She's lucky!

dizzblnd said...

At that age, they see others that they perceive as "pretty" then begin to pick out things about themselves that aren't what they perceive to be a pretty.

SH has it right in her comment above. Also, dig out pictures of you at her age and ask if you were pretty, when she says "yes" point out you had freckles just like hers.

I still don't understand why these kids didn't come with vacuum packed water tight manuals sigh

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Good for you for trying to give her a good sense of self. She is beautiful. I bet some turd from school probably pointed them out to her and now she just focus' on them.

Janna said...

I remember thinking my thighs were fat when I was 5. Who knows where little girls get this idea. It's so sad, and yet the media perpetuates it, with stick thin models, and freckles airbrushed out of pictures.

I agree with Amy about the picture idea.

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

LL - Thanks! She is always the first to want to spar with the older, bigger boys!

Scandy - That is such a sweet sentiment.

Dizz - I pointed out the frecjles I have now! But it's different when it's her face I guess (roll-eyes).

Amy - MY immigrant family focused on our intelligence. It caused a lot of self esteem problems in my youth. I'm TRYING to teach them to believe in their outside as well as inside.

Janna - Really? At 5? Why?

heartatpreschool said...

Wow, 6 years old? It starts that early? I have two girls too, so I'm with you on trying to be sure they grow up self confident!

They take yoga at preschool, and lately they've been doing these chants "I am good!", "I am powerful!", "I am free!". It's beyond adorable watching my 2 year old say those. I just hope they remember those and always feel that way!

Annette Piper said...

Oh dear - and so it starts! I keep trying to buoy my children up too so that have a great self image. They are gorgeous, so they should!!!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Not only do I want to know where she picked it up but I also want to know why so young. I have a daughter and it is scary to think what she is up against. Whatever happened to kids being kids? Poor girl she is beautiful and apparently pretty kick ass too according to those photos!