So Funny I Cried

A friend sent this to me a couple of weeks ago. I have been forwarding it ever since.

One of the reasons I find it so hilarious is that I am Russian AND Jewish. I can honestly tell you that it is 100% true (especially the DVD and light dimmer parts).



I am definitely planning on seeing this comic as soon as I can.

Expectations

I was all excited today because I was going to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond to buy a hamper. Ours fell apart (helped along by the monkeys constant sitting on it) after about 5 years.

I was all excited. I even skipped the gym for this. First I went to the grocery store and then I hit Bed, Bath and Beyond with my trusty coupons (and my friend in tow).




I got there at 9:05pm. One little problem - in the San Fernando valley apparently people don't leave their houses after 9pm!!! The store closed at 9pm!!! Seriously?!?!?!

My friend suggested Target. Off we go to target. You'd think that there would be some nice hampers at Target. Well - you'd be wrong.

Now I'm home and pouting and hamper-less. I can't go tomorrow so my instant gratification of a new hamper is not meant to be. Hopefully Friday!

It's in The Eye of The Beholder

At the birthday party we were at on Saturday, the monkeys kept coming up to me wanting water, or just to hang out for a minute, or to see what I was doing. At one point, the little monkey was fighting with another little girl over a ball they both wanted. When I told my monkey to just let her have it, she did, but not before she pushed her.

I am constantly worried about the monkeys' behavior and making sure that they behave.

Tonight my mom spoke to the RGP who told her that my monkeys are SO well behaved and well mannered. They said hello to everyone. They said good-bye and gave hugs and kisses to everyone. They said please and thank you. They came up to me often just to be with me. They spoke to everyone who spoke to them.

As a parent I am always looking for how to better my monkeys and focusing on their negatives, so I can turn them in to positives. I forget to look at them with fresh eyes, seeing all their positive traits and their warm, loving hearts.

I will try to do better every day.

Birthday Party

On Saturday night we went to a kids birthday party of a long time childhood friends' daughter. They're Russian like us. It was a great party and the monkeys had a fantastic time.

I was sitting there watching the monkeys play and realized that you would only hear the following at a Russian birthday party:

RGP (Russian Grandparents) - The brother was absolutely beautiful as a baby and all through child hood. She (the birthday girl) was not a pretty baby.
Me - Um, she is absolutely beautiful.

RGP - She (the birthday girl) is absolutely freezing!
Me - It's 65 degrees and she's in a full on long sleeve dress and stretch pants about to walk in to an indoor play place.

RGP in-law - She (the mother) has gained weight!
RGP mother of my friend - I don't think so. What do you thing Julia?
Me - Um, she looks great like she always does.

RGP - Julia! You look so great! I hardly recognized you! I can't even tell you're your parents daughter!
Me - Um, Thanks (seriously, how bad did I look before)?!?!?!?!

RGP - Julia! You've lost weight! Do you not eat?
Me - Nope, just go to the gym.

RGB (Russian Birthday Guest) - RGP, hi how are you? Why are you eating that sandwich? Look how many calories it has (mind you, the RGP is in her 60s and has earned the right to eat whatever she wants).


I realized a long time ago that:
1) My people can not do real compliments, only ones that are dripping in criticism or put downs
2) My people have no filter and no one is safe, not even a birthday child
3) We are all so used to this behavior that no one even bats an eye when it's done

Really??

As nice of a sentiment this is, somehow I don't think so. I would not go on a date here, ever.




What do you guys think?

Presidents Day

I haven't had a day like this in a very long while.

I woke up and relaxed in bed. I met up with a friend at 10am and off we went to a spa :)

We were there from 11am-3pm. I got a full body scrub. It was amazing and now I am very soft. From 1pm-3pm, while me friends was getting two treatments, I used the sauna, the jacuzzi, read the 10 magazines I brought with me, that I normally don't have the time to read and had a mud face mask poolside.

It was fabulous.

After we came home we picked up the kids and went to Japanese barbecue. It's just like Korean barbecue, but with a Japanese twist. Miso Beef, Ahi Tuna Poke, etc... The kids all love it because they get to cook their own food with tongs. The adults love it because it's relatively cheap and extremely tasty.

Everyone is now asleep. What a great day! Our presidents would be proud :)

Sleep Over

They grow up so quickly. Only last month I was worrying about my 7 year old having her first sleep over. Now both my monkeys are sleeping over at their friends' house (the one whose house the big monkey slept over at last time).

I can't believe I let my 5 year old also sleep over, but she was crying. And begging. And promising to be good! She's going to sleep with my friends 13 year old daughter in her room, while the "big" girls (my big monkey, her BFF and their 2 other BFFs) sleep in the living room!

Here's to hoping I won't be called at 3am to come pick her up!

Sugar Coated

As much as I know that children should have less "sugar coating" at school, sometimes it is nice to see them all enjoy something, without the harsh reality of disappointment.

In the monkeys' elementary school, either all kids get Valentines cards, or no kids get Valentines cards. the "to" line is even left off of the cards so that no one can feel left out. Both my monkeys were SO happy today. They were going on and on how ALL of the kids gave them Valentines Day cards, candy, treats, etc...

Seeing their smiling faces, keeping them in the dark about the harsh realities of the world not being fair, doesn't seem so wrong :)

Valentines Day in School

I decided to do what I always do, in terms of cards. I bought Wizards of Waverly Place cards and Bakugon cards. The Wizards cards come with stickers. The Bakugon cards come with tattoos. I have got to say, cards are so much cooler then when I was a kid. Back then, cards didn't come with stickers, tattoos, bookmarks or pencils attached. The also didn't have cool characters on them. Also, I had to walk four miles in the snow every day - OK, not really :)

I will also probably just make a fruit salad for the class party, because there will already be TONS of candy consumed. On Sunday, I think we will make the monkey's a special breakfast of waffles with powdered hearts on top.

Kids Self Esteem

I was at a kids birthday party this weekend. The kids that attended this party were all dressed really stylishly. The moms are really into designer clothes.

One of the little girls (8 or 9 years old) was wearing cute, designer, jeans. I saw her coming out of the restroom and her shirt wasn't down over her jeans. The jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped. The girl in question is a little chubby and had clearly outgrown her jeans. Instead of dressing her in something comfortable, for some reason, the mother decided to put her in a pair of jeans that didn't fit her anymore.

I wonder what this little girl thought? Was she self conscious the whole party? Did she feel ashamed, in the back of her mind, about being chubby?

What added insult to injury was that when cake was served, she yelled out to her, in front of the rest of us, "only take 2 bites". There are times when I stop my monkeys from eating cake, but that's usually if they're on a second piece and will start jumping off the walls, not because I don't want them to eat the calories.

In this society, I think we are all fairly vigilant about making sure our kids are healthy and have a healthy weight. Yet somehow, I think the way this mother is going about this, will cause many more problems than she is trying to solve.

Valentines Day in School

We normally do the store bought cards with a pencil tucked in.

Any new suggestions? Any suggestions for treats for the classroom? Should I do heart cupcakes?

What about something savory but Valentines oriented??

It's Easy - Italian Drip Beef

I love to cook. I love to feed people. I love for people to come over and eat what I've made.

As much as I love to cook, I hate food that involves hours of active work time and a plethora of ingredients. The joke is that when my friends tell me how good my food is, my answer is always "it's EASY". In fact, to me, the biggest compliment to my cooking is when people take my recipes and try to make the same food at home.

I read Cooking Light, I frequent the Cooking Light Bulletin Boards, I read food blogs and I peruse cookbooks. I mark recipes I want to make. Looking through the recipes I have tagged, there is a running theme. There aren't too many ingredients and I have most of the ingredients at home (or can easily substitute).

One of my favorite blogs is The Pioneer Woman. Her food always looks AMAZING and super tasty. The best part about her recipes - they are all low on the number of ingredients and pretty darn simple to make (or at least she makes it look that way).

This weekend I made her Italian Beef Drip. Wow!! For about 5 minutes of work and a couple of ingredients, this is about as good as it gets.

I modified her recipe just a little bit to use what I had on hand, but I don't think that she would be too upset. If you read her blog, she's all about the simplicity and using what's on hand.

If you want to see pictures of what this looks like, check out the link above. I tried to take pictures of mine and they did not turn out well.

Italian Drip Beef
Servings: 10

Ingredients
1 whole Beef Chuck Roast, 2.5 To 4 Pounds
1 can Beef Consomme Or Beef Broth – used 2 cups Turkey broth, because it’s what I had
3 Tablespoons (heaping) Italian Seasoning – used 3 tablespoons of Pasta sprinkle and 1 tablespoon of Northwoods seasonings from Penzeys, because it’s what I had
1 teaspoon Salt – omitted because the Northwoods blend has salt in it
¼ cups Water
½ jars (16 Oz) Pepperoncini Peppers, With Juice
Buttered, Toasted Deli Rolls

Instructions
Combine all ingredients in a heavy pot or dutch oven. Stir lightly to combine seasoning with the liquid. Cover and bake in a 275 degree oven* for 5 to 6 hours, or until meat is fork-tender and falling apart. Remove from oven. With two forks, completely shred all meat, leaving no large chunks behind. Serve immediately, or keep warm over a simmer on the stove.

I used my crock pot – combined all ingredients and set on low for 8 hours.
May make the day before, then store in the refrigerator. Remove the hardened fat from the top before reheating.

Serve on buttered, toasted rolls. Top with cheese and melt under the broiler if desired. Serve with juices from the pot.

Sick

I hate being sick. Maybe it's because I don't like staying home and am not very good at it.

I have gone through the shows on my DVR queue, I only have one book left to read (I read quickly) and I am usually sick on a weekend when we have a lot of plans.

This weekend I should have stayed in bed all weekend. However, we had a kids birthday party to go to (it was so much fun). I also wanted to hang out with a girl friend going through some stuff (we ended up just going for coffee).

Tomorrow my in-laws are taking the monkeys for the afternoon and I will try to get some rest and not talk to anyone, or do anything. Hopefully that will be all my body needs to heal it self before work on Monday.

Senile

Months ago I got tickets to see Mary Poppins for our family, for this Sunday. This is the last performance of the show. Tickets have been sold out for months. The girls were SO excited.

A couple of weeks ago, we got invited to the big monkey's friends birthday party, for this Sunday. This wasn't just any friend - this was the first friend she ever made.

A couple of days ago I realized that the events were on the same day. Today I finally was able to find people to take my Mary Poppins tickets.

Tonight I get a note on Facebook reminding me about the party, TOMORROW! I ran to look at the invite - sure enough, the party is on Saturday, not Sunday.

So, I gave away my tickets for nothing.

If I am this senile now, I am SO scared for the future.

Random Thoughts

I was watching The Real Housewives of Orange County and Lynne was having a housewarming party in her new home. These are my random thoughts while watching this episode:

• You move in to a smaller, rented house to save money and yet the house is on THE BEACH! I'm willing to guess that the house is not that much cheaper than the rent or mortgage you were spending living in your old house.
• You have a house warming party where the men talk about spending less money in this economy - all the while, the party is catered. Couldn't the guests make their own drinks? Also, the food was sliders. Really??? How about you just make some pasta and salad. Cheaper , healthier and easier to eat at a dinner party (it was comical watching them with their knives and forks trying to cut in to the sliders)!
• One of the guests, Jim, talks about reducing his spending habits as well. A couple of episodes back he bought his wife an enormous diamond necklace. Way to save there, buddy.
• Lynne talks about how she is working so much now on her cuff business. At the same time, she has time to spend hours a day in the gym.
• Tamra and Lynne try to talk Vicki in to going to a workout class with them. The class is two hours long and then they go to lunch afterwords. They are surprised when Vicki can't take 5 hours out of her day (driving to the gym, working out, changing, lunch and driving back). Seriously??
• All Vicki talks about is how much she works. I don't remember her working that much in season one. Someone has something to prove.

OK - I have no idea why I am so invested in these women. Lol! Also, I have NO IDEA why this episode irked me so much but I just want to ask these couples what the hell they are thinking half the time?!

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Every Sunday we make waffles from scratch, whipped cream from scratch, etc... This past Sunday we decided to add some cocoa powder to the whipped cream to turn it in to chocolate whipped cream.

The little monkey, who is 5 tried the chocolate whipped cream and made a face. She said that she didn't really like it. I told her that I thought that she actually did like it. Her response:

"Oh yeah! Well then why don't you open up my head, look inside my brain and tell me if I really like it?!?!?!"

The older monkey was at her friends house a couple of week ago for breakfast and got super excited when her mom brought out frozen waffles. She said that she only gets home made ones at home and was SUPER excited to GET TO eat the frozen ones, like her friend. She has also been begging me to make hamburger helper (sigh).

I am depriving my children of processed food, lol!

Working Out

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a girl friend and she wondered how anyone could work out hard enough to pass out?! Well tonight I found out.

I am in pretty good shape - I go to the gym, get on the treadmill, take a hard core Zumba class multiple times a week. I joined a new gym for a trial period and was given 4 private training classes thanks to my Amex. Tonight I had my first private training session.

She put me through the ringer. Lunges holding a medicine ball, side lunges holding a medicine ball, free weights, weights on the equipment, ab work, etc... I hate doing workouts half-assed - at least the ones I am paying for (ie personal training, classes I'm paying for). I like to have correct form and to push myself to finish the reps/sets.

I finished the workout. And promptly felt DRUNK. Not the good drunk but the nauseous, shaking, dizzy drunk. I slowly walked out of the gym, got in to my car, drove to the gas station, started filling up and layed my head down on the center console. Then I drove home SLOWLY, praying that I wouldn't pass out.

I guess I now know how a person can pass out/throw up during/after working out..

Daughter in law of the Year

My mother-in-law called me about a month ago and invited me to a concert to see a Russian Lounge singer. I had heard of her, but I didn't know any of her songs.

I got there 1/2 an hour late (LA traffic sucks) but she had only begun 5 minutes prior. Her concert was almost 3 hour long. I was so bored that I decided to post both on facebook and twitter just to get through it. Allow me to piece both together:


6:05pm - off to see Dolina - fashionably late thanks to an accident on the 101!

6:30pm - just got here and, darn it, she started 1/2 an hour late.

7:09pm - Old man in sequined rhinestone Ed Hardy jacket just gave her flowers.

7:58pm - is at a Russian Lounge singer concert - with my mother in law - please help me! The things we do for family.

8:02pm - and now she sang a Blues song in English! She doesn't speak English.

8:09pm - Her current outfit - black fishnet leggings, leather daisy duke short and a purple sequined halter top! She's 55 years old!

8:13pm - and now she's "attempting" Just The Two Of Us - oy vey!

8:57pm - Oh HELL NO - she's killing I Will Survive!! Bitch better step off!!

Man that concert was painful!!!